COLUMBUS _ We’ve been slow
to get in the wood this year, and
fall has been quick to cool. The logs
need stacking, splitting and some
need culling because they’re old
and punky, but everything from oilchanging
to dry-walling to kid-taxiing
has cut in line.
Then the field was dusted with
snow the other day, and we came to
our senses. If we didn’t act soon, we’d
be burning propane, burning money,
all winter and still not be warm.
Saturday was my appointment
with the woodpile. After three coffees,
I was prepared to face it alone,
but not long after I started, that silver
Ranger glided down the driveway.
Uncle Chet got out, and as I set up
logs to be split, calculating how much
faster the job would go with two, he
said, ``I’m not dressed for that.’’
``In your jeans and jean jacket?’’
``Not any jeans and jacket,’’ he
said. ``These are Levis, and they’re
American-made.’’
``Are Levis still made here?’’
``These are,’’ he said. ``They’re
used, probably from the ’90s.’’
``Look pretty good,’’ I admitted.
``Thanks.’’
``Where’d you get ’em?’’
``eBay,’’
``Uh huh.’’ I picked up the splitting
mall, concentrating,
then swung
hard and cleaved
one log.
``Actually, I’m a
patriot from head
to toe,’’ Uncle Chet
said. ``I bought new
American underwear
and socks
from Unionmade.
com, and a shirt
from Bamboosa, a
little factory down
in South Carolina.’’
``Got any Chinese
clothes you can actually
work in?’’
``Sure, at home;
and pretty soon,
I’ll have more Levis,
and I won’t
care if I rip a
pair,’’ he said. ``But today, I’m all-
American and I’m just going to enjoy
it, from my New Balance sneakers to
my 10-year-old Ford. And my next
conquest is going to be an American
coat, because this one’s barely warm
enough and it’s only October.’’
``Get a Carhartt,’’ I said.
``That’s what I was thinking,’’
Uncle Chet said, ``but Friday, I was
in the hardware store and saw their
Carhartts. They had a duck coat,
with a hood, just what I was looking
for. My size, too, and the price wasn’t
bad, but guess where it was made?’’
``Dunno,’’ I raised the mall again.
``Mexico,’’ he said, ``and I’m not
going to wear a Mexican Carhartt.’’
``Mexican Carhartt?’’ I said, then
struck another log. This one splintered
but didn’t split.
``These days, Carhartt is as American
as taco pie,’’ Uncle Chet said,
``and even though I like the jackets,
I’m not sending them my money.’’
``Good for you,’’ I said as I swung
again and this time had success.
`` I’ll either buy a used one, or one
of the last ones from their all-American
line.’’
``Where do you get those?’’ I
asked.
``Online. Just search for `American-
made clothes’ and you’ll find a
few sellers.’’
``I’ll do that,’’ I said.
``And I’m going to make it an all-
American Christmas this year,’’ Uncle
Chet said. ``I’m not buying anything
not made here.’’
``I’ll take a Boston Whaler,’’ I
said.
``You’re getting coal from Pennsylvania,’’
he said. ``It’s the kids I’m
worried about. Where are they, anyway?’’
``Buddy’s football game.’’
``I wonder if you can buy an American-
made football or basketball
anymore?’’ he asked.
``I doubt it,’’ I said.
``Well, that’s my next mission,’’
he said. ``The NFL, NBA and Major
Leagues should use only Americanmade
equipment, and if they don’t,
we should boycott their stadiums,
which are usually built with American
tax dollars.’’
``That’s true enough.’’
``And I know the player to lead
the movement,’’ he said. ``He’s a
smooth, influential southpaw, our
point guard in chief. ‘’
``Barack O’Balla; I saw him on
Youtube.’’
``That’s the one,’’ Uncle Chet said.
``If he insists on American balls, I
bet we’ll get ’em.’’
___
Cooperstown News Bureau Reporter
Tom Grace is traveling with his
Uncle Chet, who he says is imaginary.
Grace’s column appears every other
week.
