COLUMBUS _ The dogs stirred
at the sound of a truck pulling
down the driveway, and when
Uncle Chet came in the back door,
Della jumped up to greet him.
``Down!’’ I commanded.
``I’ll take care of her.’’ He knelt
by the black Lab pup, encouraged
her to sit and stroked her thick coat.
He looked into her dark brown
eyes. ``Are you housebroken yet?’’
``Jury’s out on that,’’ I said. ``She
hasn’t made a mistake in while,
anyway.’’
``Good for you,’’ he said to the
dog, then straightened up with a
groan. ``I brought the wood splitter.’’
``OK. Want coffee
first?’’
``Sure,’’ he
said as Hon came
downstairs.
``What’s this I
hear about coffee?’’
``I made a pot,’’
I said.
``I’ll take a
cup,’’ she said.
``Any luck with
the phone?’’ I
asked.
``No. The only
way to get the
photos off it is to
e-mail them, and
that costs 75 cents
apiece.’’
``Crooked soand-
sos,’’ I said. ``They stick a digital
camera on the cell phone, then
they won’t let you upload photos to
your computer.’’
``And we took all our beach photos
with the cell phone,’’ she said.
``Let’s get a different phone,’’ I
said.
``But what about these photos?’’
She showed me one of Buddy and
me in a little boat, rowing out in
Long Island Sound.
``We’ve got to have that one,’’ I
said.
``Let me see that,’’ said Uncle
Chet as we sat down for coffee. He
scrolled through the photos, found
several of us, him and Alice and the
kids _ the little miscreant verging
on 16 and her 8-year-old brother.
``You mean you can’t share these
photos without paying, even though
you bought the phone?’’ he said.
``I’ll try Google next,’’ she said.
``There are probably a million
people with this problem. There
must be some way around it.’’
Just then, a girl’s voice at the top
of the stairs said, ``Ooohh, gross!
Dad, the dog’s sick.’’
``Clean it up,’’ I said.
``No way.’’ She shrank at the
thought.
``Looks like she’s doing a pretty
good job herself,’’ said Uncle Chet.
``That’s disgusting!’’ the girl said.
``Dogs do that; that’s how they
feed their young in the wild,’’ said
Hon, going for a mop.
``This isn’t the wild,’’ said her
daughter.
``Sometimes I wonder,’’ I said.
``You’re lucky this is happening
now,’’ said Uncle Chet. ``Under
Obama’s health plan, if that dog
pukes next year, you’ll have to
euthanize it.’’
``That’s not true,’’ his niece
scolded.
``I heard it at a tea party,’’ he
said. ``And that anyone over 80 with
a medical problem is going to be
put down, too.’’
``As long as it’s not anyone over
60.’’ I sipped coffee.
``You’re next,’’ he said. ``Your
children are going to turn on you
if they keep listening to the black
president.’’
``Now that, I have heard, but not
the black part,’’ I said.
``Do you think they hate him
because he’s black, or because he’s
standing up to the rich?’’ asked
Hon.
``Both. The insurance tycoons
and the drug tycoons are protecting
their turf, and there’s plenty of
racist stuff on the Internet,’’ said
Uncle Chet. ``Isn’t that what this
birther movement is all about?
Aren’t they really saying, `he ain’t
like you and me?’”
``Seems it,’’ I said.
``You have to remember how the
old Confederacy, heart of the beast,
became Republican,’’ said Uncle
Chet. ``After the Democrats finally
took up the civil-rights banner, in
the ’60s, the racists had to switch
parties. Before that, they called it
the `Solid South’ because it was so
reliable for Democrats, but then it
flip-flopped.’’
``That was an angry time.’’ I rose
to take out the dog, although she
seemed fine now.
``It was,’’ said Uncle Chet, and
brought his coffee to the door. ``Reminds
me a lot of now.’’
___
Cooperstown News Bureau Reporter
Tom Grace is traveling with
his Uncle Chet, who he says is imaginary.
Grace’s column appears every
other week.
