COLUMBUS _ We were lying down, reading, ready for lights out when the phone rang late Sunday night. I looked at the caller I.D. before answering, "You're too old to be up at this hour."
"Obama's on TV, says we just killed Osama," Uncle Chet said.
"What?"
"Remember Osama?"
"Reagan's `freedom fighter?"'
"That's the one," he said. "He's dead."
"I thought he died years ago."
"So did I, but he was hanging out in Pakistan. Obama said he sent in a SWAT team today."
"Wow. I wonder if it's real ... ?" I mused aloud.
"Don't turn birther on me. Of course it's real; they've got the body," Uncle Chet said.
"What are they going to do with that?"
"Throw it in the ocean," he said.
Hon sat up in bed. "What's going on?" She put down her book on the Kennedys.
"Not much," I said aside. "Except we've killed Osama and we're going to throw his body in the ocean."
"Don't you mean Gadhafi?" she said.
"Almost got him, too," said the voice on the phone."He'll never last 10 years, like Osama. Too soft from palace life."
"Well, it looks like we've finally won the war on terror," I said.
"We lost that war years ago," Uncle Chet said. "When Osama hit us in 2001, we were awash in cash, fresh from eight years of Clinton, still talking about how to divvy up the `peace dividend."'
"I remember," I said.
"So, Osama sent over 19 Saudis and Egyptians, armed them with razor blades and airplane tickets and did a couple of trillion dollars worth of damage. Ten years later, we're fighting three Mideast wars and the Republicans are trying to do away Social Security and Medicare, saying we can't afford the American way of life anymore ... Does that sound like a victory?"
"I can't hear any more; I'll never get to sleep," I said.
"Osama took away our freedoms, turned the world ugly for everyone, uglier for Muslim Americans, made them into suspects, sympathizers. People were arrested, beaten, and the rule of law, the Constitution, took a beating under the so-called `Patriot Act.'
"They always think of a good, confusing name," I said.
"Osama might have spent half a million, and in return, I bet he cost us $3 trillion."
"The towers were big, but not worth trillions," I said.
"The towers, the Pentagon, the war in Afghanistan, the war in Iraq," Uncle Chet said. "Add it up and you'll be in the trillions, and we haven't seen the last dollar yet. As a matter of fact, I was wondering how the world will react to Osama's death. Will it help us, or cost us more, over the long haul?"
"Don't know, but it's almost midnight," I noted.
"It's going to stir the pot in Pakistan, and that pot's already boiling," Uncle Chet said.
"True."
"But it should help Obama get out of Afghanistan," he said. "On his watch, we got rid of the 9/11 devil, so now it's time to go home."
"Amen."
"And it's going to help him politically. After eight years of Bush's floundering, it took a Dem. to do it, avenge 3,000 deaths. I can see a button that says, `It took a Dem. to do it,' and they won't even have to say what."
"Call me in the morning and we'll talk," I said.
"It's going to make Obama impossible to beat in 2012," he continued. "It might lead to a Democratic takeover in the House, too, as everyone rides the coattails of a commander-in-chief who hunted down and exterminated the mass murderer."
"Still got 18 months to go," I said.
"But you know what really gets me," he said. "No trial by jury, no chance to set the record straight, no perspective, no lessons learned. Osama was armed and trained by the CIA in the 1980s _ Reagan's freedom fighter _ because he was a bulwark against the Soviets, the enemy of our enemy. As we retire him on May Day 2011, after 10 years of strife, what are we doing in Libya?"
"Good night," I said.
"Training another generation of freedom fighters, enemies of our enemy," he said.
"Good night."'
"Bombing again, and praying it won't come back to bite us."
Cooperstown bureau Reporter Tom Grace is traveling with his Uncle Chet, who he says is imaginary. Grace's column appears every other week. For more of his columns, visit www.thedailystar.com/tomgrace.
Tom Grace
Wounds left by Osama still healing
- Tom Grace
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The future of news: video on the Internet
COLUMBUS _ "Well, I'm going to do it, retire tomorrow," I told Uncle Chet last Thursday, then pulled on the thick braided wire that ran up and down the chimney.
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Uncle Chet advises little miscreant
COLUMBUS _ The little miscreant is off to college this month, and we had a dinner in her honor at Uncle Chet and Aunt Alice's log cabin Sunday.
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Here's to everyone paying their fair share
COLUMBUS _ Buddy and I were working on the woodpile at Uncle Chet's house, stacking about 10 face cord of pungent ash, maple and cherry. The sun was beating down, and the pine needles crackled underfoot. Everything around us was tinder dry, that is, except the wood we were moving.
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Easy fixes for education, drilling debate
COLUMBUS _ "I know how to resolve this fracking controversy," Uncle Chet said, then sipped his second glass of red wine.
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Handicapping the 2012 race in a dust cloud
COLUMBUS _ The little miscreant was graduating from high school, going to college. We were having a party here in just four days, but we were power-sanding in the kitchen, making a dust cloud that filled the room, coating everything as it sank to the floor.
- Tuesday, June 14, 2011
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Spackle can only do so much to fix problems
COLUMBUS _ "This ceiling reminds me of my face," Uncle Chet said, standing on the eight-foot stepladder, cutting in with a sash brush.
- Tuesday, May 31, 2011
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The rich are getting richer, more powerful
COLUMBUS _ "You know, there's only one thing wrong with the world," Uncle Chet paused, then dropped a log onto the stack.
- Tuesday, May 17, 2011
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Facing down the dreaded colonoscopy
Colonoscopy. Cousin Bruce talked me into it. He's a decade younger and if he was doing it, then coming from the same gene pool, so should I, I reasoned in February and made an appointment.
- Tuesday, May 3, 2011
- Tuesday, April 19, 2011
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The rich are thriving in country's class warfare
We sat in the basement cafeteria Friday night, eating off sectioned plastic trays, as students have done for generations.
- Tuesday, April 5, 2011
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There's still one job we haven't shipped overseas
"Where are the French?" Uncle Chet asked from across the table where we were having coffee.
- Tuesday, March 22, 2011
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Obama strikes oil with assault on Libya
We were on our way to the dump Saturday, three across the bench seat, when we heard the news.
- Tuesday, March 8, 2011
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Caught between tanking dollar, rising oil prices
COLUMBUS _ "Got to get some wood in; it's gonna snow," I said as I rose from the couch Saturday afternoon.
- Tuesday, February 22, 2011
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Conversation on the trail to rock stardom
SCRANTON, PA. _ It was a cool, sunny morning in late February, and we were tooling down Interstate 81 in the silver pickup.
- Tuesday, February 8, 2011
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Cheney's chum about to get his walking papers
The snow piles were becoming tall white walls and the paths between them were narrowing as we cleared the driveway again Sunday morning.
- Tuesday, January 25, 2011
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Taxing wealthy would give us rich future
COLUMBUS _ "The state of the union is deplorable, and I hope he says so, because we ought to do something about it," Uncle Chet said, then lowered an armful of logs into the wood box.
- Tuesday, January 11, 2011
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Poll will show what people are thinking
COLUMBUS _ "I have to go, but I want to do it myself," Buddy announced from the recliner.
- Tuesday, December 28, 2010
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Target within sight; summit within reach
It was snowing and windy, and the road was icy, running between desolate, snow-covered fields in the town of Plainfield. We were climbing a long hill, up in God's country, looking for a microwave tower.
- Tuesday, December 14, 2010
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Tax deal will help rich get richer
"Dear Mr. President: "Your tax deal with the Republicans is an abomination.
- Tuesday, November 30, 2010
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GOP's denial is all about bottom line
COLUMBUS _ The little chair was a blessing to the back, but the pipe at the front of the canvas seat pressed under my knees, and my legs were numbing.
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The future of news: video on the Internet



