Basketball was invented in Springfield, Mass., in 1891, and for most of its history, Spalding Inc., also of Springfield, produced the balls and equipment that go with the game.
Of course in this age of NAFTA (North American Free Trade Agreement) and SHAFTA (Spurious Hypocrisy of American Free Trade Agreements), I didn't expect the portable hoop I bought at Walmart to be made in America, even though it bore the name Spalding. No, I expected it came from China, where the owners of the business had built their factory to take advantage of cheap labor.
And I wasn't wrong.
I also thought that assembling this behemoth would be a trial, but it was worse; it was torture. With a crew of three, it still took a half-hour to run carriage bolts through four holes in the brackets that hold the rim.
"Give me the hammer," Uncle Chet muttered. "I'll see if I can tap the thing through, or we'll be here all day."
"The book says you're supposed to rock it," Hon said.
"I've been rocking it," he said.
"It says: `To ensure optimal playability of this backboard system, a close tolerance fit between the elevator components and hardware is required. Test fit large bolts into large holes of elevator tubes, backboard brackets and triangle plates. Carefully rock them in a circular motion to ream out any excess paint from holes if necessary."'
"Give me the hammer," Uncle Chet reached out impatiently.
I complied, and he tapped several times, each a little harder, until the bolt slipped through the hole, and we were able to attach a nut on the other side of the bracket.
"Now what?" I said.
"It says, `Insert bolt through left side upper elevator tube (35) then stretch spring (33) onto bolt (29) though right side upper elevator tube (35) and secure with nut (31)."'
"Let's have coffee before we even try to figure that one out," Uncle Chet said.
"Sounds good to me," I said.
"I made a big pot, so we have some left over from breakfast," Hon said and led us to the kitchen.
"Look at this sewing machine," Uncle Chet remarked, going into the living room. "They don't make 'em like that anymore."
"Singer, from the '70s, and you can read the instructions, too," Hon said. "The book is very clear."
"Back when America led the world in manufacturing and the instructions were written by Americans," I said.
"Of course I don't blame the Chinese workers," Uncle Chet allowed. "They were offered jobs and took them, same as we do when anyone dangles jobs at us. It's our captains of industry who sold us out, deserting their homeland, shifting all that capital out of the country."
"And the rich got richer," I said.
"The rich got richer, the workers got more desperate, and the immigrants and Muslims are being offered up as scapegoats," he said. "The Arizona law that makes it hazardous to look Hispanic, the birther crackpots, this created mosque controversy -- they're all part of the same propaganda campaign to keep us from focusing on real problems."
"I haven't followed the mosque stories," I said.
"They want to build a Muslim community center about two blocks from where the World Trade Center stood," he said.
"That's not so close," Hon said.
"And not that big, either," Uncle Chet said. "It's going to stand 13 stories tall, or 97 stories shorter than the towers."
"What's the big deal?" I asked.
"There is no big deal," he said. "It's like getting people riled up over gay marriage, even though it will have absolutely no effect on their lives. The mosque is a wedge issue, designed to distract us and disguise who's really swindling us in an age when we don't make their backboards and rims anymore, and even our balls come from China."
Cooperstown Bureau Reporter Tom Grace is traveling with his Uncle Chet, who he says is imaginary. Grace's column appears every other week. For more of his columns, visit www.thedailystar.com/tomgrace.
Tom Grace
Mosque issue was created to distract us
- Tom Grace
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The future of news: video on the Internet
COLUMBUS _ "Well, I'm going to do it, retire tomorrow," I told Uncle Chet last Thursday, then pulled on the thick braided wire that ran up and down the chimney.
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Uncle Chet advises little miscreant
COLUMBUS _ The little miscreant is off to college this month, and we had a dinner in her honor at Uncle Chet and Aunt Alice's log cabin Sunday.
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Here's to everyone paying their fair share
COLUMBUS _ Buddy and I were working on the woodpile at Uncle Chet's house, stacking about 10 face cord of pungent ash, maple and cherry. The sun was beating down, and the pine needles crackled underfoot. Everything around us was tinder dry, that is, except the wood we were moving.
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Easy fixes for education, drilling debate
COLUMBUS _ "I know how to resolve this fracking controversy," Uncle Chet said, then sipped his second glass of red wine.
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Handicapping the 2012 race in a dust cloud
COLUMBUS _ The little miscreant was graduating from high school, going to college. We were having a party here in just four days, but we were power-sanding in the kitchen, making a dust cloud that filled the room, coating everything as it sank to the floor.
- Tuesday, June 14, 2011
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Spackle can only do so much to fix problems
COLUMBUS _ "This ceiling reminds me of my face," Uncle Chet said, standing on the eight-foot stepladder, cutting in with a sash brush.
- Tuesday, May 31, 2011
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The rich are getting richer, more powerful
COLUMBUS _ "You know, there's only one thing wrong with the world," Uncle Chet paused, then dropped a log onto the stack.
- Tuesday, May 17, 2011
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Facing down the dreaded colonoscopy
Colonoscopy. Cousin Bruce talked me into it. He's a decade younger and if he was doing it, then coming from the same gene pool, so should I, I reasoned in February and made an appointment.
- Tuesday, May 3, 2011
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Wounds left by Osama still healing
COLUMBUS _ We were lying down, reading, ready for lights out when the phone rang late Sunday night. I looked at the caller I.D. before answering, "You're too old to be up at this hour."
- Tuesday, April 19, 2011
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The rich are thriving in country's class warfare
We sat in the basement cafeteria Friday night, eating off sectioned plastic trays, as students have done for generations.
- Tuesday, April 5, 2011
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There's still one job we haven't shipped overseas
"Where are the French?" Uncle Chet asked from across the table where we were having coffee.
- Tuesday, March 22, 2011
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Obama strikes oil with assault on Libya
We were on our way to the dump Saturday, three across the bench seat, when we heard the news.
- Tuesday, March 8, 2011
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Caught between tanking dollar, rising oil prices
COLUMBUS _ "Got to get some wood in; it's gonna snow," I said as I rose from the couch Saturday afternoon.
- Tuesday, February 22, 2011
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Conversation on the trail to rock stardom
SCRANTON, PA. _ It was a cool, sunny morning in late February, and we were tooling down Interstate 81 in the silver pickup.
- Tuesday, February 8, 2011
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Cheney's chum about to get his walking papers
The snow piles were becoming tall white walls and the paths between them were narrowing as we cleared the driveway again Sunday morning.
- Tuesday, January 25, 2011
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Taxing wealthy would give us rich future
COLUMBUS _ "The state of the union is deplorable, and I hope he says so, because we ought to do something about it," Uncle Chet said, then lowered an armful of logs into the wood box.
- Tuesday, January 11, 2011
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Poll will show what people are thinking
COLUMBUS _ "I have to go, but I want to do it myself," Buddy announced from the recliner.
- Tuesday, December 28, 2010
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Target within sight; summit within reach
It was snowing and windy, and the road was icy, running between desolate, snow-covered fields in the town of Plainfield. We were climbing a long hill, up in God's country, looking for a microwave tower.
- Tuesday, December 14, 2010
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Tax deal will help rich get richer
"Dear Mr. President: "Your tax deal with the Republicans is an abomination.
- Tuesday, November 30, 2010
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GOP's denial is all about bottom line
COLUMBUS _ The little chair was a blessing to the back, but the pipe at the front of the canvas seat pressed under my knees, and my legs were numbing.
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The future of news: video on the Internet



