As I looked down at the laptop screen, the doctor's voice belied her sense of triumph as she pointed out that the bright spots on the CT scan of my chest cavity indicated that it was probable that I had lymphoma.
She explained that most likely I'd need only to go through a course of chemotherapy or two and if the cancer had not metastasized, my prospects would be good. I, being the type of person who is slow to comprehend the implications of events of this nature, had no strong reaction. I left that to my wife.
It had been over three weeks since I had become sick and up to this point, the doctors were having a hard time getting to the bottom of it all. Just a few days before, I'd yielded 24 vials of blood to be tested for everything from malaria to Cat Scratch Fever.
They were stumped until viewing the results of the CT scan, and I could thoroughly understand why my doctor was having a hard time concealing her excitement about them having been able to conclude that lymphoma was the likely source of my problems. The one thing that didn't gel was that I was starting to feel better.
The following week I went in for a biopsy. This involved the surgeon making an incision at the base of my throat and snaking in a scope around my lungs and whatever else was in the way and removing tissue.
The following week my wife received a call from the surgeon, who explained that the biopsy appeared to be inconclusive but she would wait for an official determination from the lab at the Mayo Clinic, which also received a tissue sample before she could make her determination. A couple of days later the Mayo sample also came back inconclusive.
Not willing to leave anything to chance, my medical team ordered up a PET scan. The PET scan showed nothing at all to be alarmed about … and now I'm back to square one.
I'm not complaining, mind you, cancer is a scary thing. I lost my father and several close friends and relatives to cancer. I've seen how it has taken over their lives … all the worry, the doctors' visits, the tests, the radiation and chemotherapy treatments, the pain and discomfort. Disease in general will catch up with most of us as we age. I was lucky this time … just a little worse for the wear.
I feel I was fortunate for another reason as well. I've had scares like this in the past and have spent more than one sleepless night pondering everything from the prospect of experiencing unbearable suffering to whether I've done anything positive on this plane that will have significance to others.
I'm sure that most people have these scares and most people torment themselves with similar thoughts.
This is what we do as the one species on this planet that comprehends its own mortality.
What's interesting to me though, is that this most recent scare failed to have the edge that my prior bouts with the mortality issue have. Maybe it's because I've played out most of my anxieties in the past … that I have little new to add to the process. Maybe it was all the prayers and good wishes from so many friends and acquaintances … maybe it's related to my belief that every challenge that we face is just part of the "universal self improvement plan" that we sign up for when we are born into this world. Yes, I think that most of us realize from experience that real growth is more likely to be born from pain than comfort … from being on edge than being complacent.
Maybe this is one of the pearls that we discover with aging. After so many years of battling with anxiety, we make a conscious decision to allow this, along with an assortment of other self-indulgences, to take a back seat. We begin to understand the beauty of experiencing the moment at hand, unfazed by those things that have tended to scare us. We begin to push forward lightly, cherishing those "smell the roses" moments and putting our challenges into their proper place. There are those who claim that old age isn't a walk in the park. I would counter that a walk in the park is just what is needed to counter the trials of growing older
Oh yes, I have little doubt that there will be scary moments awaiting me in the future. Life has a way of humbling us after we make our declarations.
I'm pretty confident though that if I remain mindful of pearls such as this, that solace is only the smell of a rose away.
Tom Briggs is executive director of the Delaware County Office for the Aging. 'Senior Scene' columns can be found at www.thedailystar.com/seniorscene.
Senior scene
From the Office: Life's scares are starting to lose their edge
- Senior scene
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Looking Back: A sad ending for adorable, sweet Taffy-toes
Another unwanted drop-off? Yes and so I must write this.
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As Time Goes By: Dealing with side effect of pills can really be a pain
At age 76, I find myself incontinent. Actually the problem started well before that date but now it has gone beyond "a problem," to "holy smoke the dam broke."
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From the Office: Try spring cleaning, organizing for stress release
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Looking Back: Take your time, think ahead before making decisions
A lifetime may seem forever for some, especially when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up and get to do all things we saw the adults do. Come to think of it, perhaps that wasn't too good.
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As Time Goes By: Getting sick in the southern sun
I went and did it - I have heard about southern hospitality so much that I thought I would see if it extended to the hospitals as well.
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From the Office: Despite professional advice, we still eat too much sodium
High blood pressure affects many seniors, putting them at risk of heart disease and stroke. The risks are much higher if they have diabetes, too.
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Looking Back: Shopping just isn't the same when you get older
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Social Security: Learn more about Social Security's own 'Final Four'
A fellow Social Security employee wrote this entertaining and informative article and shared it with me. I think it's worth sharing with all of you. Hope you enjoy it…
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As Time Goes By: Coming of age in the grocery store
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From the Office: Ensure you are safe when you take to the roads
The ability to drive is something that most of us count on, whether it be to get to work, shopping, medical or other appointments, visiting friends and family and any number of other activities. When the vehicle or the driver is out of commission, life can certainly be more difficult.
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Looking Back: What's in name? Sometimes a lot when talking about pets
When remembering years gone by, I always think fondly of the many delightful pets we had. I still miss them as each one had their own distinct personality that was so enchanting, entertaining and even sometimes exasperating.
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As Time Goes By: Tell my leg to stop pulling my leg
After 76 years of living with it, I have decided that my right leg has a mind of its own.
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From the Office: Don't miss a deduction when filing taxes this year
Happy New Year, everyone! It is that time of year when we are busy getting our tax paperwork in order. Before filing your taxes, don't miss out on deductions related to medical expenses and other costs that come out of your wallet, especially if you care for a family member throughout the year.
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Looking Back: Belief of life after death offers tranquility
As I write this column tears of sadness have been shed. I didn't think I could express myself for fear of sounding so remorseful to the point of despair.
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Social Security: Website now offers more through my Social Security portal
Happy New Year! As we enter 2013, I want to share some exciting news regarding recent enhancements made to our website. Take a look at the following news release that came out Jan. 7 from Social Security's press office, telling us all about a new service available to the public.
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As Time Goes By: It's a New Year and why am I still hung over?
Here we are, New Year's revelry has passed and now for those who imbibed too much the "price" must be paid.
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From the Office: Stay warm during cold winter months to avoid hypothermia
The winter months can be a difficult and dangerous time for anyone living in this area of the country where temperatures regularly fall below freezing.
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It helps to face old age with a happy heart
How do old folks feel when it comes to living through that time in their lives? Well, I’m at the 80-year mark now, and believe me, this is not what is said to be “Golden Years� in any form whatsoever!
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Social Security: An oldie but goodie on Frosty the Snowman and direct deposit
Yes, it's that time of year again -- time to go through my dad's old holiday articles and choose one to share with everyone.
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As Time Goes By: It's that time of year -- time for Christmas memories
"Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat -- please put a penny in the old man's hat." With those words my mother would herald the season of gift-giving which usually started a few weeks before the 25th of December.
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Looking Back: A sad ending for adorable, sweet Taffy-toes
