Please be advised that due to recent events in Syria, it has been determined that some independent publications in the United States, and more particularly in Otsego County, have been critical of government policies; therefore you are hereby advised that a bill has been passed by the state Senate and the Assembly and signed by the governor to help ensure the safety of government officials and the general populace.
You will not be allowed to print opinions contrary to ours or news events that may incite the populace to riot and cause harm or death to anyone — regardless of your good intentions or your past record of never having done so. Also you are hereby advised that all past archives that may contain information that may be conceived as being critical of governments shall be turned over and destroyed and you will be asked to submit to a psychiatric evaluation to determine if you should be allowed to continue printing your paper or if you should be hospitalized.
Please do not cite any silly things like the First Amendment — we have already established that amendments to the U.S. Constitution are not honored here in New York state. We did so by action very similar to the first paragraph of this notice relative to the Second Amendment, but rest assured our intentions are honorable (that is why we spent so much time debating that issue before enacting the law).
No, I am not really representing myself as anything other than a concerned gun owner, the above is satire just for clarification since you don’t really know what happened and what was sacrificed on Jan. 15. Even those who absolutely agree with this gun control should be very concerned as to how it was enacted.
Kevin A. Preston