I'm staring into a full-length mirror a few minutes before heading out to cover the 10th round of the Lucas Oil Pro Motocross Championship on Saturday.
This isn't a psych-out session to get pumped up for the high-flyin', wheelie-poppin' action in store at the Unadilla Valley Sports Center.
Instead, I'm trying to picture the perfect ensemble that will help me blend in with the 22,000-plus screaming and soon-to-be hard-of-hearing fans at the New Berlin racetrack.
No matter what the temperature is, pants are a definite no-no. Even if it's snowing in Oneonta, it will be hot at the UVSC. Always is.
That eliminates the pile of athletic warmup pants reserved for such things as Oneonta Little League's opening-day festivities and after-school trips to the Oneonta Boys and Girls Club with Sonny Boy.
Ineligible, too, are the three pairs of jeans that have lived in various dressers since high school and the one pair of work-only dress pants that still fit _ aka the only ones that don't paralyze me from the waist down when I take a seat.
I rue the day that poor button gives up.
So shorts are the obvious choice. Black is out, though, since more than half of my shirts are black and I'm not particularly in the mood for a Grim Reaper joke.
That leaves two pairs of multi-pocket swimsuits _ one brown and one blue _ that sort of look like shorts; two pairs of beigeish "golf" shorts; and one pair of red, knee-length shorts more suited for the basketball court.
Side note: Is one pair of shorts really a pair? Someone could really start a trend by calling one pair a short.
So the red short it is. Now I have to pick out a pair of shirt.
The Mets' jersey with "BELTRAN" sewn across the shoulder blades probably won't work. This is a motocross event, after all, and Beltran doesn't even play for the Mets anymore. Plus, the fans killed me last year for showing up in a Nissan Maxima, so I'll be proactive in avoiding verbal abuse and inappropriate sign language this time.
T-shirts? Besides looking like a 40-year-old trying to look like a teenager, I don't think any of the riders want to be interviewed by some tool wearing a crew-neck with a faded Adidas, Atari or New York Jets logo on it.
Dress shirts _ long- or short-sleeved _ don't go with Nike shorts, either ... unless someone is trying to start a trend, of course.
Enter old reliable _ a black (told ya) golf shirt with a lightly tattered collar that always comes through in the clutch. Well, except on the golf course. If the highest score won, though, I'd be Tiger Woods.
Double up on the white, ankle-high socks and cap it off with a pair of black-and-red running shoes and ... now it looks like Mom started to dress me but I ran away before she could wipe the toothpaste off my chin.
Whateva, I do what I want. I decide against changing into the South Park T-shirt because time's a-wastin'.
On the drive up, I realize my son's real name isn't Sonny Boy, running shoes used to be called sneakers, and beigeish isn't a word.
Now I'm sweating, thinking all eyes will be on me when I emerge from the Maxima this year. Stupid 39-month lease.
I half-expect to get stoned by a fashion lynch mob at the hilly entrance to the left of the UVSC track (or to the right of it, depending on which direction you're traveling).
Paranoid? Maybe, but more like egocentric. That's Mom's fault, too, though, making a big deal out of every milestone in my youth.
"You finally hit the bowl!"
"You finally got a C!"
"You finally made the pee-wee soccer team!"
Senior year was the best.
So I open the car door and nothing. Not a peep. Not even a pebble.
It's somewhat depressing, actually. My spirits get a boost, though, at the entrance, where I realize I pretty much could have shown up in my underwear and blended in just fine.
Shirtless 20-somethings (all male, unfortunately) are running amuck with their shorts hanging around their thighs. There are lots of jeans and lots of muscle shirts, the latter mostly worn by those who haven't had any since graduation. The women's clothing isle ranges from paint-thin skinny shorts combined with halter tops _ so everyone can see that sweet, lower-back tat you got in college 20 years ago _ to tank tops, to skorts to ... you guessed it ... T-shirts!
There's even a photographer walking around in a shiny, sleeveless, sequined shirt and flip-flops!
These are my people, and none of us will be appearing in a Joan & Melissa episode anytime soon.
Still, it probably isn't a good idea to show up in my underwear next year.
Unless I want to start a trend or something.
Dean Russin is the sports editor of The Daily Star. Email him at drussin@thedailystar.com.
Local Sports
This is motocross, so wear whatever you want
- Local Sports
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Bernstein's speedy ascent to conclude at nationals
To say Oneonta State senior Sean Bernstein is the fastest person ever with ties to The Daily Star's circulation area is difficult to quantify. But if there's been somebody faster in these parts, his identity has been well concealed.
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CV-S boys win Class D track title
Sparked by individual victories from Dustin Collins and Rory Davis, Cherry Valley-Springfield's boys won the Section Four Class D track meet Wednesday at Marathon.
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High School Results
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Hartwick lacrosse pair selected for all-star game
Hartwick College seniors Harry Hughes and Jake Cooper will represent the North Team during the United States Intercollegiate Lacrosse Association/Lax World North/South game at 3 p.m. Friday at Cabrini College in Radnor, Pa.
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Area Sports Briefs
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Today's Datebook
- Wednesday, May 22, 2013
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Bauerle's 1-hitter leads B-G in Class C
Asked if he would say Tuesday's outing was Bainbridge-Guilford senior Austin Bauerle's best of the season, Bobcats coach Tim Mattingly replied, "Yes, I would." Bauerle struck out 15 and walked two in a one-hitter to lead the eighth-seeded Bobcats to a 2-1 Section Four Class C first-round baseball victory over visiting Spencer-Van Etten.
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Margaretville shocks No. 3 Milford in first round
Margaretville junior Colby Russo closed things out on the baseball diamond and on the stage Tuesday night.
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O-State senior an All-American in lacrosse
Oneonta State's Jimmy van de Veerdonk earned honorable mention All-America status in Division III from the United States Intercollegiate Lacrosse Association on Tuesday.
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High School Results
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Oneonta youngster wins pitch, hit & run competition
Oneonta resident Mariano Hernandez III finished with the highest points total during the Major League Baseball Pitch, Hit & Run Sectional Competition, which ran Sunday at Damaschke Field in Oneonta.
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State Softball Rankings
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Sectional Glance
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Today's Datebook
- Tuesday, May 21, 2013
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Ruff, Beers on BCANY top 50 list
Local high school juniors Mariah Ruff and Jordan Beers earned recognition as two of the top 50 girls basketball players in the state, as voted on by the Basketball Coaches Association of New York, Inc.
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Section Four Tournaments
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Tri-Valley League All-Stars
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2013 Rat Snake Results
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OHS girl wins Class B title
Oneonta High freshman Taylor Hitchcock moved to the head of the class Monday at Vestal. Hitchcock won the Section Four Class B title in the 2,000-meter steeplechase, finishing in 8 minutes, 5.2 seconds to automatically qualify for the Section Four State Qualifiers on May 30.
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Local Auto Racing
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Bernstein's speedy ascent to conclude at nationals



