BY DENISE RICHARDSON
STAFF WRITER
ONEONTA _ Andrew McIntosh aims to
destroy doors on gay closets, and he started
with his own.
Last year, as a newly appointed lacrosse
team captain at SUNY Oneonta, McIntosh
said he wrestled with
suicidal thoughts
until he decided to
talk about being a
gay man.
First, he told a
close friend from
high school and his
sister. Since then,
he told his coach,
Dan Mahar, and fellow
captains.
On Feb. 15, McIntosh
told his teammates,
the same day
Outsports.com, an
online gay sports
community, published
his article,
``College lacrosse player comes out to his
team.’’
McIntosh, 22, of Putnam Valley, said he intended
to answer individual questions when
asked about his sexuality instead of telling
the entire team, but then he realized teammates
would be reading his essay.
``Being honest is very important
to me,’’ McIntosh
said, ``and I wanted them
to hear it from me and not
from anyone else.’’ Mahar
said he is proud to say
there has been no hint of
negativity from players.
``The guys see Andrew
as Andrew,’’ said Mahar, a
1997 SUNY Oneonta graduate
in his third season as
head coach of the lacrosse
team. The State University
College at Oneonta campus
always has been welcoming
in terms of services
and resources, he said, but
society has become more
aware and understanding
of homosexuals in the past
10 or 15 years.
Several lacrosse players
agreed McIntosh’s revelation
wasn’t a big deal.
``It didn’t really faze
anybody,’’ Tom Kelly, 21,
a SUNY Oneonta junior,
said after the Red Dragons’
practice on the allweather
field near Hunt
Union on Tuesday. ``It’s
not really looked at, `he’s
homosexual,’ _ he’s our
teammate. ... We’re still
all very comfortable together.’’
Gay athletes
speaking about their sexuality
is ``a hot topic.’’ Mc-
Intosh said he has noted
some shocked reactions
but no negative responses.
His teammates and
coach have been supportive,
he said, and thoughts
of suicide are gone.
On Wednesday afternoon,
some SUNY
Oneonta students taking
a break on the quad between
classes agreed Mc-
Intosh’s decision to come
out showed courage.
Justin Eisenschmidt, 20,
a junior from Glens Falls,
said McIntosh took a bold
step in revealing his sexuality
to teammates, who
are strangers compared
to friendships molded
during high school athletics.
McIntosh’s decision to
be honest with his team is
``the mark of a good leader,’’
Eisenschmidt said,
and his frankness may
help pave the way for others
with similar issues.
Five years ago, a college
campus wouldn’t have
been as accepting of an
athletic captain coming
out of the closet, students
said.
``It represents our society’s
progress,’’ said Jordan
Aily, 23, a senior from
Queens. ``It’s awesome.’’
James Koury, editor of
locally published Diversity
Rules Magazine and
Oneonta city clerk, applauded
McIntosh’s steps.
``I commend Andrew Mc-
Intosh for coming out and
proudly proclaiming his
sexuality to his fellow lacrosse
teammates,’’ Koury
said. ``More importantly,
however, I commend him
for being true to himself
and having the courage to
evolve to the point where
he could feel free enough
to openly express his true
being.’’ Societal pressures
to conform and the stigma
attached to being gay in
some areas of the country
lead to some LGBT individuals
to hide, Koury said,
and some take their own
lives, unnecessarily so.
``I am so happy that Andrew
did not take his own
life and chose to live it the
way he was meant to be and
the way God meant him to
live it _ as an open and
proud LGBT (lesbian, gay,
bisexual and transgend)
individual,’’ Koury said.
WORDS CAN HURT
McIntosh, who is 6 feet 2
inches tall and weighs 215
pounds, wrote in his Outsports.
com article that he
remembered when Mahar
stopped a practice because
a teammate said a
drill was ``so gay.’’ Mahar
said the comment was unacceptable,
and McIntosh
said it was the first time
he had ever seen a coach
address people being gay.
Mahar’s position is
clear, several players said
Tuesday: If Mahar hears
any obscene or derogatory
remarks, the automatic
and immediate penalty is
10 pushups. Nobody wants
to do pushups, one student
said, but the lesson really
is a lesson in civility to be
remembered for life.
The lacrosse season
started Feb. 27, and the
team has won its first two
games, including a double-
overtime 9-8 win over
Clarkson on Saturday.
On Tuesday, late afternoon
sunshine warmed
the field near Hunt
Union, where practices
are scheduled from 4 to
6 p.m. weekdays. Breathless
players left the field
as others rotated into
play, and players worked
on balancing pride with
preparation for this
Saturday’s game against
Union College.
``One, two, three, O-State,’’
they shouted after a huddle.
Drills included running
across the field in less than
6 seconds.
``Let’s go, boys,’’ someone
yells. ``Go, go, go.’’ Mahar
shouts during practice
that effort makes the
difference. The team is
ranked 26th in the nation
in Division III lacrosse,
he said, and can improve
its position with effort.
``We can be the best team
that’s ever played here,’’
Mahar said. ``We’ve got to
stay together as a team.’’
STEREOTYPES IN SOCIETY
Few gay professional
athletes have revealed
their sexuality until after
their careers.
McIntosh said it’s sad
that more professional
athletes who are gay aren’t
able or don’t feel comfortable
coming out. However,
he said, no matter the level,
staying in or coming out
of the closet is a personal
decision to be respected.
The mission is to find happiness,
he said.
McIntosh said he was
nervous during the practice
before he broke his
story to the gathered team.
Team co-captains stood
nearby as McIntosh said
he spontaneously ``spoke
from his heart.’’ From
teammates, he heard ``you
have guts’’ and ``nothing
changes,’’ McIntosh said,
which gave him feelings of
relief and empowerment.
``I just respect the fact
that he felt comfortable
coming out to the whole
team,’’ Ryan Gifford, 19, a
sophomore, said Tuesday.
If any players felt negatively,
they were keeping
it to themselves, Gifford
said, and McIntosh as
captain has the players’
respect.
``He gets everyone
pumped up for the games,’’
Gifford said. ``I don’t think
anything has changed,’’
Matthew Coyne, also a captain,
said there weren’t any
derogatory comments after
McIntosh told the team.
``We’re behind him _ as
a team and as his friends,’’
Coyne said Tuesday. Last
autumn, Coyne said, as the
four captains were walking
to the parking lot after
a fall practice, McIntosh
said he had ``something
important’’ to tell them.
``Everyone was very supportive
_ it was a `we’re
here for you’ attitude,’’
Coyne said. ``If anything,
it made us a little closer
_ that we can share.’’
AN ATHLETE FOR MANY YEARS
McIntosh, who was on
his high school football
team, has played lacrosse
for 12 years. He plays defense
for the Red Dragons. He started college
at C.W. Post Campus of
Long Island University,
then transferred to SUNY
Plattsburgh, where he
maintained his closeted
personae. But he was depressed,
lonely and ran
his life in a strict routine,
he said, and dating women
didn’t work.
``I felt demasculinized
because I was gay,’’ Mc-
Intosh said. ``How could
I be the physical lacrosse
player I wanted to be?’’
He looked to transfer and
started at SUNY Oneonta
in August 2008. ``It was
great’’ to be on a different
campus, he said, to meet
people and concentrate
on academics and playing
lacrosse, and he avoided
the distraction of any intimate
relationships.
At the end of last season,
Mahar appointed him
as one of four captains of
the team. He wrote in his
essay that he was excited
to be named a captain, but
he also was depressed.
``I had experienced
no lonelier point in my
life. I felt no one could
understand my feelings.
Who the hell is gay and
plays sports, especially
lacrosse?’’ he wrote.
Stories he read in Outsports.
com helped him
acknowledge his feelings,
McIntosh said, and he recognized
he wasn’t alone
when he saw the film
``Milk,’’ the story of Harvey
Milk, California’s first
openly gay elected official.
McIntosh said his older
brother, who is married
to a woman, his gay sister
and her partner and his
parents have supported
him as he has revealed his
identity. He said he turns
awkward situations with
teammates into humorous
exchanges.
``If anything, it’s provided
for some good jokes,’’
he said. ``I’m just enjoying
my senior year. What better
way than to come out of
the closet?’’
SUNY Oneonta is among
the most supportive campuses
within the state and
nation regarding the gay
and lesbian community,
said Jenna Mega, president
of Open Minded Unity
on campus, but lacrosse
stereotypically is ``very
masculine and physically
grueling’’ and it is difficult
for men in such sports
to come out.
``It is a huge leap toward
universal acceptance if
strong individuals like
Andrew “come out,” she
said in an e-mail. ``I’m very
proud and honored that
Andrew has had the tremendous
courage to come
out. ... It is very important
for people to have hope
whether they are “in the
closet” or already “out.”
MCINTOSH CONSIDERS FUTURE
McIntosh, who is majoring
in secondary education,
plans to student
teach this autumn and
graduate in December. He
is considering graduate
school and employment in
sports counseling. Athletics
teaches many lessons
that can be applied to personal,
family, school and
professional situations, he
said, a perspective he has
heard from Tracey Ranieri,
SUNY Oneonta athletic
director.
McIntosh showed leadership
as soon as he arrived,
Ranieri said, and he served
on a student athlete advisory
group. The fact McIntosh
felt comfortable coming
out reflects efforts by the
campus to create a diverse
and inclusive community.
In particular, she credited
Mahar for an ability to develop
a team of good citizens
and an environment
that has recognized McIntosh’s
leadership qualities.
``He’s a really great role
model for student athletes,’’
Ranieri said. ``He’s a great,
great, young man. We’re really
proud to have him.’’
The passion, values,
self-discipline, commitment,
teamwork and ability
to fall, then get up, are
valuable lessons that can
be applied in other life
situations, she said.
``Sports is a metaphor
for life. I chant it to the
student athletes all the
time,’’ Ranieri said. ``Our
students live and die with
their teams _ it’s a culture
of loyalty, trust, commitment
and service.’’
Local News -
Related Photos
-
SUNY ONEONTA SENIOR and lacrosse captain Andrew McIntosh stands on the sidelines as his teammates run drills during Tuesday’s practice on campus. McIntosh is the first openly gay player. Photo by Brit Worgan.
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We monitor comments regularly Monday - Friday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Approval of comments outside of this time (including weekends) will be sporadic.
Welcome to our story comments feature. We welcome your thoughts and your opinions, including the unpopular ones. We only ask that you keep your conversations clean, civil and on the topic of the story you are commenting on.
Coinciding with our websites redesign, we launched our new story comments feature through Disqus.
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3. Harassing, harmful, vulgar, obscene and defamatory language.
4. Threatening statements or statements that suggest violence.
5. Hate speech of any kind.
6. Intolerant comments on religion, race, age, gender, sexual preference or disabilities.
7. Accusations of criminal activity.
8. Content that is harmful to children and minors in any way.
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10. Random and inflammatory statements that are off topic.
11. Advertising of any kind.
12. Typing in all caps.
WE ENCOURAGE REASONABLE AND COURTEOUS COMMENTS THAT:
1. Create conversation on issues of interest and concern to fellow readers and local community members.
2. Express opinions and contrarian views.
3. Stimulate debate with respectful language.
4. Stay within the boundaries of these rules.
WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO SUSPEND OR TERMINATE ACCESS FOR:
1. Violating any of these Online Rules of Conduct.
2. Deliberately disrupting discussions with repetitive messages, meaningless messages or spam.
3. Misrepresentation of identity or impersonating another user.
WE WELCOME:
1. Flagging violations of these rules that you observe to our attention.
MONITORING:
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March 11, 2010
Gay lacrosse player looks to spark honest discussions
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