When all kids win, they lose at life

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January 18, 2012

Anonymous Daily Star The Daily Star Wed Jan 18, 2012, 02:25 AM EST

For three decades, many children have been taught that whatever they do in the classroom or athletic field is just fine.

Everybody who participated in an academic competition got a prize. Soccer games were played in which nobody kept score. Teachers and administrators found a reason to praise every kid every day.

Well, a funny thing happened as those children grew up and tried to enter the workforce.

What they did and what they knew wasn't always wonderful. They were at a great disadvantage against those who knew how to compete ... and how to win.

A story this week in the Washington Post brought up the question of whether the way children have been taught has done them any favors.

"We used to think we could hand children self-esteem on a platter," Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck told the newspaper. "That has backfired."

The "I'm OK, you're OK" school of thought has come into question as academic gains have not appeared to have eventuated after years of unearned praise.

"We've become so obsessed with making kids feel good about themselves that we've lost sight of building the skills they need to actually be good at things," Michelle A. Rhee, a former Washington, D.C. schools chancellor, told the Post.

Dweck's studies reveal that students who are praised for their hard efforts and taking risks do better than those who are lauded for just being clever or smart.

The fact is, kids are smart, a lot smarter than a lot of us give them credit for being. Do we really think that tykes in a soccer or basketball game don't know which team scored more points?

Of course they do, and to hear that they are all winners just for trying cheapens any real sense of achievement they might attain.

Alfie Kohn, author of the book "Punished by Rewards," told the newspaper that the current practice encourages children to be "praise junkies" who rely on others' opinions rather than their own judgment, thus hindering their motivation to learn.

The problem isn't restricted to children. Too many teenagers and young adults have been able to do poor and mediocre work and still advance grade-by-grade until they attain a college degree.

We have spoken to several business people who are stunned by the lack of knowledge and enterprise in so many college graduates who have never really had to compete and face the reality of a demanding workplace.

And if the employers are shocked, just imagine how the young people themselves feel when they get that first taste of disapproval and demand that they improve.

"I'm OK, you're OK" just isn't OK anymore.