What if I told you that I could turn copper into silver?
You'd probably think: "Another screwball who believes to be possessed with mysterious magical powers."
Well, the power this screwball has acquired is neither magical nor unique. In fact, it's a kind of sorcery that anyone can perform and everyone has, even the skeptics.
And you don't even have to chant an incantation or know anything about alchemy or magic to perform it.
In fact, you can, and I even encourage you to, teach children to perform this magic act. Not only is this magic good for them, the philosophy behind it will ensure children a better and brighter future.
Here's what you'll need: a large glass jar and a couple handfuls of pennies. Optional: if you have a vivid imagination, are immune to public ridicule, and it will make you feel more "into it," you may want to dress up in a robe, wear a wizard's hat, and use a magic wand as you perform this mystical ritual.
By the way, this isn't some secret and sacred power passed down to me through generations of witches or sorcerers in my family.
No, it was mysteriously placed in my brain one night while watching television.
And on that note, I will now pass on to you how I learned the mysterious method to turn copper into silver (figuratively speaking).
Not too long ago, there was this television commercial that began with a scene of an elderly working-class man emptying his pocket change into a jar on his dresser. The idea was that your daily pocket change was all you needed to get affordable life insurance.
The commercial was for one of those insurance companies whose name leaves the viewer with visions of the American Revolutionary War (aren't they always).
Something about this commercial irked me; something just didn't seem right. Something just didn't jibe. After watching it a dozen or so times, it hit me. Where are the pennies? There were barely any pennies in the jar. This guy apparently went about his daily small-time spending sprees accumulating a pocket filled with quarters, dimes, and nickels, but no pennies!
"How can this be?" I asked myself. I, and most people I know, come home at night with a good portion of our loose change, if there is still such a thing, consisting of pennies.
Pennies, you know; those minted U.S. coins that we tend to treat as "play money;" those coins that seem to be a burden to carry around.
Those silly, seemingly worthless tokens in our economy that, when dropped on a sidewalk, aren't worth the effort to bend over and pick up. We also thoughtlessly toss them into a coin jar, or they end up scattered inside a dresser drawer to be forgotten.
And yet this guy in the television commercial appeared to have none. Was I missing something?
The very next day, I took a short break and slipped into a coffee shop to purchase a cup of coffee. It came to $1.89. I gave the cashier two one-dollar bills, and she gave me a dime and a penny change.
During the course of the transaction, on the countertop next to the cash register, I noticed a dish with pennies in it. You know, the "Give a Penny Take a Penny" dish we have become all so familiar with (it sits next to the "Tips for the Cashier" for-doing-their-job jar).
Suddenly, I had a revelation. Here was the answer to my question about the guy in the commercial who didn't seem to have many pennies in his pocket change.
The revelation: He didn't have many pennies in his change because he took the trouble to give pennies rather than take pennies!
That is, he made an extra effort to plan out in advance how he was going to spend his money for the day _ right down to the penny.
So, the next day, I performed an experiment in economics, I took 10 pennies from my coin jar. I chose those pennies that have turned green over time and the ones that have that icky gooey stuff on them that nobody seems to know what it is.
I spent them during my routine shopping adventures; for instance, diving into a coffee shop for a short break.
Again, as the day before, the coffee cost me $1.89. But rather than taking the lazy route and giving the cashier a pair of one-dollar bills, I gave the cashier a pair of one-dollar bills "¦ and nine pennies _ a total of $2.09.
And instead of getting a dime and a penny back, which I would make sure was an American penny and not a Canadian penny, I got back two dimes.
Now, instead of having to lug around 10 pennies, I'm lugging around only one penny and two additional dimes in my change purse.
And when I get home for the day, instead of sifting pennies from my change and discarding them in the penny jar, instead, I remove nine more pennies from the jar and place them into my purse with the penny that was left over from the 10 I started out with.
I've tested my theory now for several months and it seems to be valid; the magic works! Every morning, I transfer enough pennies from the coin jar to my purse so that I leave home with 10 pennies, and I always arrive home at the end of the day with fewer than 10.
Oh, and what do I do with the two dimes? I toss them into the jar to replace the pennies. And slowly, over the past several months, I've noticed that my coin jar has almost magically transformed from copper into silver.
Just imagine if everybody did this.
Pennies would be in circulation and not sitting around in drawers and coin jars turning green and gooey. And it would benefit our U.S. government because it wouldn't have to mint so many of the confounded things. As a bonus, we'd rid our economy of that strange gooey stuff.
Wow, who knows? Maybe some day I'll receive a Nobel Prize for my idea. And just as "Give a Penny, Take a Penny" has been recorded in history, perhaps "Give Nine Pennies, Take a Dime" will be recorded as well. Now, what to do with all these dimes? I know "¦ the Laundromat!
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Harloff, a State University College at Oneonta graduate, is a near-crisis counselor at Rehabilitation Support Services in Oneonta.
