Liberals: They're anything but liberal

Chuck Pinkey

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March 15, 2011

Liberals: They're anything but liberal

Anonymous Daily Star The Daily Star Mon Mar 28, 2011, 01:34 PM EDT

This is the end of an era. Tom Sears, one of Oneonta's favorite personalities and a leading writer for The Daily Star, is retiring from his "On the Right Side" column. He has had quite a run with more than 130 columns in the past 5½ years.

Tom is by far the most commented on, the most quoted and the most misquoted writer in Daily Star history! The conservative viewpoint could not have had a better spokesman, and he will be missed. Tom Sears has had the fortitude to speak his mind and the tenacity to stand by his convictions.

Martin Luther King Jr. longed for men to be judged "by the content of their character" and by that gauge, Tom Sears has set a standard that may never be equaled and certainly will never be surpassed. Thank you, Tom, and God Bless!

Daily Star Editor Sam Pollak is not the man I pictured him to be. Being a staunch conservative, I had imagined Sam to be the classic liberal. You know, uptight, unhappy, unfriendly. … We have had editorial disagreements over gun control, the Tea Party, taxes, candidates and every other issue except Mother's Day.

Much to my chagrin, I met a man of humor, firm convictions, family values and integrity. He and I will never agree, but I have always admired persons who stand their ground, plead their case consistently and take their "lumps" without complaining. I thought this day would never come, but I consider Sam Pollak my friend. That said, "Let's dance."

What is a liberal? I think it is imperative here to define the term. Generally, liberals are anything but "liberal." They are the most uptight bunch of individuals you'll ever meet. Recent studies attribute this to a genetic deficiency. Something to do with the chromosome mating during periods of global warming and ozone depletion. It gives a false sense of elevated IQ, and if that's not bad enough, now the environmental influences begin to pile on!

As preteens, they become sad. Constantly worrying that Mommy's and Daddy's incandescent light bulbs are going to destroy civilization. They hate sports because there are winners and losers. And that's not fair!

Little liberals are taught about America and how we took this land from the noble "Native Americans," built our wealth on the backs of slaves, and impoverish and exploit Third World countries. They learn the only thing important about George Washington and Thomas Jefferson was that they were slave owners. They are taught about the evils of capitalism and conservative Republicans, but not the goodness of Christ.

Puberty poses a real quagmire. Girls! How do you tell that pretty young babe in health class that you like her, when in sex education, you've been told about sexual harassment. They begin to notice that the world is not ending but don't know why. They think our salvation may be attributed to the bottle deposit law, the burn-barrel ban, recycling paper bags at grocery stores and their carbon footprint.

But soon they must make a terrible choice. Do they give up the Earth-friendly bicycle and start driving a car with that supremely evil internal combustion engine? Sadly, many succumb. Oh my God! Some will even drive SUVs.

Entering college is very traumatic. Why do the pretty girls date the football heroes? That's not fair! Usually they join the student council and begin a career of not minding their own business. They focus on jocks and fraternity boys. How dare they waste their time drinking and partying? They don't even have fruit in their beer! And those greasy foods and Big Macs! Who do they think they are?

In the real world, a liberal is overwhelmed. Some people are wealthy, and that's not fair! Liberals see wealth as something to be shared. It is the right thing to do! The fact that you didn't earn it and someone else did doesn't matter. And those evil CEOs! After all, why should anyone make $70 million unless they are Oprah, Michael Moore, LeBron James or Payton Manning? Then it's OK!

They believe ethanol is good. Not because it costs a fortune to produce, ruins mpg and engine life, and raises the price of corn and, therefore, all foods, but because it makes them feel good and that's what counts! A liberal believes Muslim terrorists should be given a civil trial, but a fetus has no rights.

Can you imagine a lifetime spent waiting for certain death from global warming, automobile pollution, cholesterol, sugar, smoking (but marijuana is OK), fossil fuels, and of course, plastic? Ah plastic. Remember, it will be in a landfill for 10,000 years! Good place for it!

In the end at the pearly gates, St. Peter asks, "What have you done with your life?"

A liberal replies, "--"

CHUCK PINKEY is the owner of River Valley New Holland Inc. in Otego. He can be reached at chuck.rvnewholland@gmail.com.