Stop the presses. All is good in the world. The gusher of oil polluting the Gulf of Mexico has been stanched (for the time being), unemployment is down to 9.5 from 10.2 percent (still awful), Spain has just banned bullfighting (at least in Catalonia), Betty White is still everybody's sweetheart and Chelsea Clinton is now (finally) Mrs. Chelsea Mezvinsky.
The oil thingy, the out-of-work Americans, the ending of a thousand-year-old Spanish tradition and the anointing of an 88-year-old sitcom star to Hollywood Saintdom, well, those are the easy ones. The Clinton wedding, however, is one for the books!
Chelsea, now 30 years old, and her beau, 32-year-old investment banker Marc Mezvinsky, tied the $5 million knot in the upstate New York town of Rhinebeck over the weekend.
How do you spend $5 million on a wedding? None of us will ever know, of course. This is not some routine hitching, obviously. Dad is a former president and Mom is a this-close former president and sitting U.S. secretary of state. So, natch, this was going to be a humdinger of a wedding from the start.
All we have are rumors, so far. Five hundred guests? (The big news flash last week was: The Gores aren't coming! The Gores aren't coming!) Those attending included international political figures (thanks Mom), deep-pocket Democratic fundraisers (thanks Dad), half of the last decade's Houses of Representatives (both of the groom's parents are former members of Congress), Hollywood stars and an A-list of bluebloods and American royalty the likes of which have never been seen in tiny, tony Rhinebeck.
More whispers. A $35,000 cake? Each invitation costs $150 bucks to make? $200,000 for flowers? Every limousine in Dutchess County booked for the arrivals and departures? I don't know, but add it all up and it still comes a long way from $5 million. Oh, I forgot. The photographer. Nah, he can't be more than $1 million. Can he?
Don't be misled by the patina of sour grapes displayed in this column. Far from it. Actually, I think the excess is hilarious. But the Clintons have it, they can do it, they have one child, they have sacrificed much of their privacy over the decades, so yeah. Go ahead, Bill and Hillary, and do the Chicken Dance in a $400,000 air-conditioned tent. Knock yourselves out. Oh, and the Salad Shooter from Walmart is from me, Chel!
On another note, my youngest daughter, Katie, is just home for a brief summertime visit from South Carolina. I picked her up at the airport in Albany. She is usually a bubbly and vivacious young lady, but she seemed more so this time. As we chatted our way down I-88 to Oneonta, she could finally hold it in no longer. She thrust out her hand with a delicate diamond ring on it and said, "I am getting married, Dad!"
And now, as I drifted through the blurred towns of East Worcester to Worcester to Schenevus and onward, listening to her chirp away about wedding plans and future dreams, I couldn't help but be drawn, siren-like to the extravaganza that just took place in Rhinebeck. This would be the first wedding where I would be the father of the bride, and suddenly I felt a kinship to Bill Clinton.
"Yes, dear. Yes, honey. Whatever you want, sweetie." I kept hearing myself repeat it rote-like along the interstate. Of course Bill and I are alike. We will (and did) do whatever we could to make our little girl's perfect day even more perfect. Mr. President's efforts manifested themselves in a (rumored) $250,000 champagne bill.
And while Katie's nuptials will not be held in John Jacob Astor's $3 million Hudson Valley playground, they will be held in a place of graceful and serene Southern dignity.
Katie will have a quiet wedding for a small group of close friends and immediate family at the historic 190-year-old Beaufort Inn in Beaufort, S.C. It will be a Christmas wedding. No long-term secret plans. No hidden guest list. No $200,000 flower bill. And no honeymoon, either.
Before the last hues of a Southern sunset have flickered out, Katie's new husband, PFC Robert Duncan (U.S. Army), fresh out of a tour in Iraq by way of Dallas, Ga., will be jump-seating it to Germany for his new assignment. From there he will no doubt Skype wedding memories with his young bride at any available opportunity. She'll join her new husband in about a month. They make a great couple and I wish them a wonderful life.
So, all of a sudden, somewhere around Richmondville on my ride back from the Albany Airport with Katie the other day, it hit me. Me and President Clinton. First-time fathers of the bride. Wedding plans elbowing their way into our daily lives. Tuxedos to rent. Bills to pay. Caterers to interview. Toasts to prepare. One-time little girls to make and keep happy. It is a joyful burden, to be sure. And Mr. President and Madam Secretary, believe it or not, we will share one thing between us regarding our daughters' weddings.
The Gores aren't coming to ours, either.
I'll catch you in two ...
'Big Chuck' D'Imperio can be heard on weekdays beginning at 6 a.m. on WDOS-AM 730 in Oneonta, and also on Thursday nights from 7-9 p.m. on WSRK-FM 103.9 for his "Oldies Jukebox Show." You can find "Big Chuck" on Facebook under Upstate New York Books. He invites you to contact him at wdosbigchuck@aol.com. His columns can be found at www.thedailystar.com/bigchuck. You can find "Big Chuck" on Facebook under Upstate New York Books.
Big Chuck
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"Big Chuck" D'Imperio
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I Was Just Thinking: Dads are doomed when daughters become brides
- Big Chuck
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George Wallace gives us the 'one-finger salute'
This is Black History Month. I regret that I was never involved in the Civil Rights movement.
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When delivering papers was all in a day's work
I walk to work in the morning. Shortly after 5 a.m.
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Readers who write get a little feedback
Well, it's that regular interval where we stop for a minute and take a look at some of the offerings from the mailbag over the last six months. And it has been busy. And please, do not hesitate to drop me a line if something stirs you in one of my columns.
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I Was Just Thinking: Inventors, writers and others pass on in 2011
Plenty of ink was spilled this year reporting on the passage of such giants as Steve Jobs, Andy Rooney, Elizabeth Taylor and a couple of baddies named bin Laden and Gadhafi. But let's take a peek behind the final curtain and see who else merits a tip of the hat.
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I Was Just Thinking: Stella turned me into a pet person
I never really understood being a "pet person." I just didn't get it. My wife, however, is incomplete without a pet. When I met her, she was in the waning days of a relationship with her dog, "Jake," who was a venerable elder presence in the house until she passed away many dog years beyond her typical span.
- Monday, December 5, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: Waiting for a friendly wave that never came
My earliest recollection of taking a train ride was when my dad would take me and my brother Jim and sister Fran on the train from Sidney down to the Afton Fair. Mom would greet us at the crossings along the way with a baby in her arms and a big wave to the four of us.
- Monday, November 21, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: Local youngster created amazing tribute to veterans
When I think of veterans, I often think of the older ones who fought in World War II. I honor all vets from all wars, but as my radio listeners know, I just love to hear stories from the old warriors of the Greatest Generation.
- Monday, November 7, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: Remembering my small glimpse of the Cuban Missle Crisis
I read recently in a newspaper that the U.S. was beginning a "year-long observance of the 50th anniversary of the Cuban Missile Crisis, culminating in October 2012." Fifty years? I'd been following the crisis on TV as my mom and dad fretted over the news being presented by the dour-faced men in gray business suits who gave us the news each night on our brand-new Zenith television set.
- Monday, October 24, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: A remote-controlled cooler sounds enticing
Here they come! I am ready to gird myself against the onslaught of junk mail that is starting to roll in for the holidays already. I do not buy from catalogs. Never have. Don't even read them. North Face? L.L. Bean? Omaha Steaks? Vermont Country Store? No thanks. Except for one.
- Monday, October 10, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: I never took a hike in my life; would do it again
"Take a hike!" That is what my father used to tell me when he'd had enough of my smart talk as a kid. Unfortunately, I never took that hike. In fact, I don't think I've ever hiked in my life, either formally or informally.
- Monday, September 26, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: Local traffic's got nothing on LA
I will never complain about traffic again. I just got back from a wonderful vacation with my daughter, Frances, in Los Angeles. I had lived there many years (and a million people) ago. While I was there from 1974 to 1980, I saw this exciting and vibrant city through the eyes of a longhaired wanderer. It was great.
- Saturday, September 10, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: 9/11 is behind us but we'll never be the same
Since the horror of Sept. 11, 2001 is now a decade in the past, many will use this as a time to reflect on how our nation has changed since my generation's Pearl Harbor was visited upon our country.
- Saturday, September 3, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: 'Radioathon' was about more than just donations; it meant love, sharing
Over the years I have been involved with many fundraising efforts at our radio stations. As far back as the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995. We raised a thousand dollars in change and turned Main Street Oneonta into one large collection bucket.
- Monday, August 29, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: No mystery about good works done by PEO
I get a lot of requests for speaking engagements. A lot. Most of the time I actually know who the audience will be. I've addressed more than 50 historical societies, dozens of reading groups, several museum groups and enough Rotary and Kiwanis luncheons to make me feel like the Toastmaster General of the U.S.
- Monday, August 15, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: Back-to-school used to be a simpler affair
Have you seen the "back-to-school" sales now going on in stores? Ahem, hello? It's still summer! Which got me to thinking about back-to-school shopping when I was a kid in the 1950s. The list seems almost infantile by today's standards.
- Monday, August 1, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: Messages from the (virtual) mailbag
Well, it's mail call time again. Every six months I like to recap some of the correspondence I have received from readers. I welcome any and all emails!
- Monday, July 18, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: St. Mary's was part of Oneonta life
One of the longest-running chapters of Oneonta history just came to an end. Officially.
- Tuesday, July 5, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: Small-town memories have universal appeal
This Friday, July 8, I will be presenting my one-man show, "My Town is a Cathedral," at the Oneonta Theatre. It is sponsored by the Green Toad Bookstore and is a benefit for the Catskill Area Hospice and Palliative Care. The show is a gentle look at growing up in Smalltown U.S.A. in the black-and-white days of the 1950s and 1960s.
- Monday, June 20, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: Father's Day gifts reflect the man ... or the times?
Well, Father's Day 2011 is history. Hey, dads, did you dodge a bullet this year? Gift giving for dad is always problematic. Being a father now for nearly 30 years, I can certainly identify with the touchy situation that my own dad was put in on Father's Day back in the 1950s. As they always say, "What do you give a man who has everything?"
- Monday, June 6, 2011
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I Was Just Thinking: How a softball game can conjure youthful memories
While listening to a sports report at the radio station last week, the high score tallies for local youth softball games struck me as unusual. Eighteen, 20, 27 runs and more. Geez, I thought. What does a game like that look like?
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George Wallace gives us the 'one-finger salute'
